Things I want My Daughters To Know

My best friend

Im 14. A tender, emotional, hormone packed age. An age where you would rather die than be seen with your parents or sulk for days for missing out on a party to spend time with your mum. Not me. I can truly say to any friend that my closest companion, my bast friend if you like, is my Mother. After reading this book i found it so real about the realtionship of siblings and feelings towards their mum. Of course i feel so unbeleiveably lucky and blessed that i have my mum and that our relationship is so stong. I know many mothers and daughters envy it. We both feel so lucky for what we have and i thank this book for its honesty and brilliant morals and the way it makes you think: wow, how lucky am i?

I cant imagine the pain of losing my mum, i dont think anyone could until it happens to you. But this story of grief from so many perspectives.

I wish things were different..

Mum, you'll probably never see this but theres things i haven't said that you need to know. I need you. You haven't bothered with me since you made me live with dad and it really hurts me. Its like you didn't want me dave or lisa. Why give up on your own kids? It was my 18th in September and you said you would come up and spend the day with me. But did you? No. My 18th, an important birthday in my eyes and the one person i wanted there wouldnt come. You always had nan in your life so you wouldnt understand. Im a complete mess because i have no one to turn too. Nan doesnt want to know me either,nor does my aunties. Where am i meant to go when me and dad fall out or i need some girlie advice. I have an amazing best friend but she doesnt understand sometimes. Why did you have to leave me? Why do all the things i found out have to be true? There are so many questions youll never answer for me and it kills me inside. I wish things were different. I wish you was like Barbara in the book and all these other women who adore their children. I've never experienced that. 'Things i want my daughters to know' is an amazing book and really got me thinking about mothers and how i wish i could have mine but i cant because she wont accept me or my siblings. This is just a message to say Mothers be grateful you have your daughters no matter how tough it gets stick by them because we all go through our phases and Daughters be thankful you have great mothers around you because some of us arent that lucky. xx

Lauren-Jade Burton

Where to start!!! Lauren_jade (lo-J) I shall begin with you...I was just turned 13 when I first met your father, he was from a bad estate (not in keeping with the life I had been part of} yet the reason I turned to Youth Work was to let it be known that young love was powerful, addictive, mind consuming and, yes, sod them all, REAL LOVE!!!......I loved your father with a passion I never believed possible..we were just 15 when I discovered I was pregnant with you ( after taking Julia Milnes appt at the general health clinic/ she had come on her period that day}...We had been dating over a year and a half before we made out...I wanted to keep him waiting to make sure this was not just a 'flash in the pan'..I was on the pill.
We had been dating some years at this point..sometimes we made mistakes..but we never left each other..snogging other folk...for which they always got a kicking ( tho' I do not recommend this! PLEASE!)I told your father I was pregnant with you at the local (tupton) youth club and the next day he wasn't at school...I panicked..I needn't of bothered..He was out to work with Grandad Burton..making a life for us.

But, going back, it's not all romantic, I told your papa at the youth club.. then my dad picked me up..because of where we lived..I HAD TO GO!

it was the Friday night, he hadn't been at school that day..We got drunk that evening on cheap cider..one minute declaring our love for one another the next terrified we wouldn't make it..We both cried..For the life we had created and the promises we hoped we would keep.Please never look back on the time me and your father spent together in sadness..because , deep down, I know, We know, we have many moments that were truly ours, owned by us...Love Mumma, Gilla( bloody monkey!) And Lo-Lo..xx

Thankyou

What an incredible story! Having just lost my aunt to breast cancer in 2007 and my Grandma (from the same) in 2001, I felt such a connection with the caracters and felt for my mum and my cousins that have gone thru the same thing. having just lost a friend suddenly, i was terrified that the book would make me sadder, although i cried from the 1st page, i also laughed at the witty comments from barbara, My aunt was exactly the same, pulling out clumps of hair during chemo and joking that she could make a carpet out of it or sell it. In some ways it has helped me that little bt in my own grief. Thankyou for writing such a wonderful, tearjerking, funny, poignant, strong, truthful story. :) xox

From Scoobs

Your job was made harder when you were left with two of us and one of you. I'm sure we used this to our advantage more than once! It didn't phase you though, you had rules and we knew them. You never forced them on us, you gave us a guide book and let us decide how much to read. We were your helpers and we all put in whatever we took out, this made us a team. We all have our strengths and we learnt when to lean and when to become the support.

Growing up meant the dynamics of our team have changed, we're in different places, with different people. I learn new things every day, which come from being alone. I know that these are the things that I need to make me capable of achieving so much, like you.

Just as we ahve found our places in which we fit, you have found yours. I sleep tight knowing you are being looked after. If someone new can come along and make your life so much better but keep all of our best bits the same, then I have no doubts.

I hope I've learnt enough for my chuldren to love me this much.

Love you

Scoobs xx

daughters

Like barbara I have four daughters.I have been ill on and off over the last year.It is very complex having four different relationships trying to please everyone trying to be fair.My relationship with my middle daughter is the hardest we clash so much.She is a student living at home,she treats the house like student digs and this winds me up no end.I love her very much but we can't seem to move forward.I think she is treated fairly, her washing,ironing and meals are all here for her.She lives rent free,but i get nothing from her in return.She has a wonderful boyfriend.
My eldest daughter is now married and settling into it well.we had our ups and downs but with maturity it seems we have settled into a safe and perfunctory relationship.
My youngest daughters who are sixteen seem to have the most respect for me. I think if anything ever happened to me they would miss me the most.
I love all my daughters equally and would lay down my life for them,but it would be nice to be treated with love respect and kindness from them after all you only have one mum.When shes gone its to late.
i am lucky I have a very special mum and we are very close,i dont know what i would do if anything happened to her.

Please love your mum she is a special person and a i know a lot of people who would love to have their mums back to tell them how nuch they love them,just to be able to do the every day things that we take for granted in life.